Sunday, 29 November 2009

That's What She Said

Damn relationships are hard. Here’s what I’ve learnt from my friends:

1//If you put a sex ad on you will get replies. In fact one Nordic lass got 1000 replies. In order to maintain an inch of dignity she stated that she would only accept applications from those who submitted a photo. Luckily for her she found an eager beaver. Unfortunately for her it only lasted 30 seconds. I didn’t say it was effective.

2//Go on a date with a stranger who is a little older and therefore (hopefully) wiser than those closer to your age. My housemate did this. She will remain nameless as she didn’t seem as impressed as I was, when she told me her story. Apparently he told her he had ‘complications’ prior to their date. On the date she queried the ‘complications’ to which he replied ‘I’ll tell you later’. After a few complimentary beverages my house-mate had more than likely forgotten 'said' issue and thus was more than happy to commit to a little lip-on-lip action. By the end of the day he decided it was time: Oh, so the complications,’ he said. ‘Yes, do explain,’ she comfortably replied while nestling up against him. He said: ‘I’m married’. She said: ‘What?! How. Do you have children’? He said: ‘Yes’. She said. And it went on like this for a while. He denied having any other ‘extra marital’ relationships and she told him she wouldn’t be his extra bit on the side. She came home steaming. Safe to say it was the highlight of my day. I told her she’d look back on it and laugh. She told me he’d just texted her and asked if they could be friends. Nothing needed to be said. I promised her I wouldn’t write about it. This is a vague recollection that reassembles something someone once told me. Let’s leave it at that.

3//If you meet someone who says he is a photographer be wary. A friend met someone who was a photographer and she took a chance. He said he had a studio and was looking for an intern. She obliged. He told her he’d like to take some photos. The rest is as predictable as night following day. Not long after the flash began she realised that his definition of ‘art’ was a little more than contradictory to her own. She buttoned up her shirt and left.

4//Dating a DJ is difficult. Ladies throw themselves at him while he stands behinds his decks. Friends chastise you for dating the cliché: ‘Of course he’s cheating on you: he’s a DJ’. Eventually the vicious rumours get louder, circling through your cerebral membrane and then bad things start to happen. You get sticky fingers. Eventually your sticky fingers find their way into his travel bag, only to find an assortment of condoms. Your blood boils as you approach the travelling muso; rubbers in hand. Things are said, condoms get thrown about and by this time it’s time for him to catch his plane. Au Revoir.

5//Dating foreigners is always a precarious situation. More often than not if they are a ‘foreigner’ it also means they are ‘temporary’. The second most important thing to ask any possible suitor with an accent is the date of their return. -The first is obviously their name-. Often a plane ticket is the best form of proof; however, this may also lead them to believe you are somewhat insane. Another hot tip is to date those whose grasp of the English language is a little below par. This way it is easier to worm your way out of sticky situations – just blame it on the language barrier.

Relationships: a metaphorical notion of ‘self-harming’. Cuts me deep but feels oh so good.

But sometimes the language barrier makes them all the more endearing. They're like aliens walking around with their eyes closed. He asks:'Do you wanna spoon'? You sit up confused at the prospect of him actually understanding this colloquial term and request repetition. He points to the pillow and says: 'Spoon'... You say: 'Yes'.

Photo: FFFound

Thursday, 26 November 2009

More Hands Make Light Speed.. Champion

We caught up with Dev Hynes aka LightSpeed Champion (remember short-lived dance punk band Test Icicles? Effing love 'Circle Square, Triangle') before the unveiling of his new project Blood Orange. It's a new (side)venture which sees Dev dive solo into a rhythmic mess of funk and soul.

A short conversation while sharing a booth at Shoreditch eatery The Diner:
// So why did Test Icicles stop making music? I know a lot of people were devastated.

Really? Did anyone even listen to it? I just didn’t want to do it anymore. Both me and Sam agreed to end it. I caught up with him recently; he lives in LA.

// I'm really into your new project, ‘Blood Orange’.
Thanks, yea my album is coming out soon. There are 12 songs on the album but I made 30.

// I know you are originally from the UK why did you uproot to the USA? Was it for your career?
No not really. I just didn’t feel settled here. I wasn’t feeling the vibe, whereas in NY I just feel comfortable.

// Have you been going out much since you’ve been in London?
No.. I don’t really go out at night. In the US it’s good cause you don’t have to go clubbing if you want to go out at night. You can go to a bar or a coffee shop and all the restaurants are open really late. Plus the trains go all night and you don’t have to take buses! (Playing on laptop) Do you know how to burn DVDS?

// Ah yea I think you need to download a program that takes the security off the DVD. What DVD do you want to burn?

The Wire season six. I’ve been watching it for the past two weeks; I’m hooked.

Look out for our piece in next weeks London LeCool!

Monday, 23 November 2009

Little Red Interview

Was fortunate enough to catch up with Melbourne band Little Red before their instore at Rough Trade Records. Although they were busy doin' the whole promo thing for new album 'Listen To', they were more than happy to exchange a few words in return for some luke warm tips on 'what-not-to-do' in London. Safe to say Dom's dreams were properly quashed.

Check out the whole interview at This is Fake DIY

Monday, 16 November 2009

Light Speed - Dev's Finger is in Many Pies

British raised Dev Hynes aka frontman of US-based band Lightspeed Champion is the perennial finger sticking out of all those appealing pastries. Starting off back in 06, as one third of short-lived dance-punk band Test Icicles, Hynes went on to create Lightspeed Champion, pen a comic book about his penis and if that's not enough he is now exhibiting his private life, led between London and NY, for the world to see.

Titled 'Hello My Name is Dev', the solo photography/video installation exhibition at East London's The Legion will start on 25 November. The viewing showcases photographs documenting the artist's life and travels, giving the viewer an intimate snapshot of the past two years. There will also be live performances.

We'll be catching up with the Dev as part of London's Le Cool Magazine but until then check out some of his snapshots below! 

Spot the celeb!

More here

Monday, 2 November 2009

Krona - Monitary Unit

In her overtly prepared nature J. ejected 100 euros from the cash dispenser before boarding the plane. Only after arriving in Sweden did she realise the idiocy of her actions.

It seems the Nordics fellas rejected a european conformism.

Sunday, 1 November 2009

Gaspard and Xavier Attempt to Justify

There is no doubt that the French electro duo, Justice, have got a certain 'je ne sais quoi' that keeps us fans coming back. Their album 'Cross' made all sorts of headlines, mostly of the 'positive genre'; these Frenchies could do no wrong. And then, they started remixing songs for the likes of U2 and most recently Lenny Kravtiz...

Check out the Justice Podcast!
Justice Rant - Indie Dayze Radio Show

What are you looking at?

My photo
I am more than prone to monologues; however, this is solely due to the manner in which they compliment a witty anecdote and their ability to resemble concrete evidence when it is so obviously lacking. I often wish I could emulate that aloof character who coolly stands in the corner smiling mysteriously as if she has a secret. However, I fear resisting the temptation to involve myself in other people’s conflicts and responding through body language rather than verbose banter may come across as contrived and arrogant. And, I am not willing to take that chance.

Ye Faithful