Monday, 22 December 2008

C'est la vie

Geez life is ... a minefield.

Sometimes you'll be walking around minding your own beezwax when BAM your foot will get blown off by a mine and other times you'll be walking around and no mines will be goin' off. And you'll be all like 'what the? I thought this was supossed to be a minefield? Where are all the mines? I wish I'd step on one right now', just for a few moments of entertainment... and then I guess horror would be the next to follow.

Take from this analogy what you will.

And then sometimes life is ... a flower-pot and you're the seedling.

You know what you have to do.. (well eventually you have a faint idea of what you should do, that is after all the ideas in your head stop walking into walls and well quite frankly each other) ... but all you can do is wait, wait for the sun for the rain and the 'will'. That fucking 'will'. And you 'will' sooo hard, thinking eventually if I 'will' enough I will get what I deserve. I will get my comupins (but in a positive sense).. but alas sometimes 'will' isn't enough.

(And sometimes overwilling could result in a trip to the doctor and who wants to open that can of worms?)

The major player here that I have failed to mention is time. Seriously, it's the one thing that an impatient person can't control. Damn that time factor.

So what does that mean, you have to play the waiting-game and see what happens? Well, that sucks. Cause while you're waiting other people have fun assuming things that are totally incorrect.

Today my mum told me I had a middle-class mind. Totally mis-judging that as a compliment, I asked what this so called middle-class mind entailed. She said my head was in the clouds and I thought things were just going to fall into my lap.

Sometimes I think her head is the clouds.

Sometimes, it's always nicer to secretly wish your head was in the clouds, kinda like Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson, only their heads aren't really in the clouds, it's a complete and utter ploy. That Hilton sex video was soo calculated. She knew exaclty what she was doing.

Why do you think she kept looking directly at the camera and winking? Huh?

Anyway, back to the point. Ignorance is bliss and I am more than ready for my fair share.

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Where the Bloody Hell Are ya?

God stunts like this make it sooo hard to be patriotic.

So Nick and Hugh are doin' the rounds. Promoting like they've.... promoted so many times before. To the right is Hugh chaneling well what looks like his Boy from Oz days. Why? I'm not really sure. It's not like we don't already doubt his heterosexuality.

Then to the left of him is our good 'ol Nicky, doing what us Aussies do best. That's right you guessed it, upsetting the Aboriginies. Now the last thing I want to do is disrespect anyone. So I'll let Nick do the rest.

The Kid blowin her own on German show Wetten das...?

Baz obviously didn't give these kids a lesson in Aboriginal traditions cause apparently women are forbidden to play the suspect instrument and if they do, well they become infertile!

Shiz! Lucky Nick's already popped out a couple and adopted a couple more! Clever girls obviously thought ahead.

Australia tells the story of an English aristocrat, played by Kidman, who travels to Australia where she falls in love with the country, a man and a young Aboriginal boy.

And I haven't seen it, soley due to the fact that is looks well like Australia Tourism ran out of ideas and rounded up the troops for a little Aussie Aussie Aussie OI OI OI.

Pity the troops weren't educated before hand.

Booo have a cry.

Let me see if I can pencil you in.


Cyclic Defrost End of Year Party and Mag Launch

@ Horse Bazaar
397 Little Lonsdale St, Melbourne

Purposely different?



Andy Uprock is a c**k

So Andy Uprock, the founder of Cuprocking, the chimp that belongs to Mooks, has decided to get all deep and meaningful. You know, like from the heart and shit.

So his newest cuprocking venture is called Poetry in Braile.

Check his ludicrous speech here:

Yea like I'm a vigilante and I totally kiss Mooks' a-hole.

His official Mooks blog:

Andy Uprock


The title was just too easy. sorry.

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

Melbourne Gallery Hopping




Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Hello Lover

White Boy- Erlend Oye
The Whitest Boy Alive are from Berlin
See you on 14/12/08 at Melbourne's Neverneverland.

Monday, 17 November 2008

I Love You(r) But(t)...

This picture book is amazing.

It's totally minimalist but still manages to pack a punch. It's raw and oh so very true.

Take a gander..

It reminds me of that scene out of Closer where Julia Roberts claims she can see the love draining from Jude Law's eyes.

More Here:

I Love You

Love 'em but I can think of a few more:

"I love you but you're a bad story-teller".

"I love you but you're an only child".

End of the Line

Great Eastern St, Shoreditch, Ldn..

The trains were free but if it don't 'ave wings, it'll cost 25000 pounds to put 'em up there.

Village Underground site

J Cauty and Son go SPLAT(TER)

When you're practically begging Warner Bros' to sue your ass.

Artist in question J Cauty must have had a jaded childhood. Through his slaughtering of a good hand full of Warner Bros' characters he channels sartorial Simponite's Itchy and Scratchy.

His most recent collection 'Splatter' was recently exhibited at London's The Aquarium.

A promotional poster in Old Street, East London.

Promotional Video.

Warning - it's an animated fright fest.

Sunday, 16 November 2008


So how late am I with this boat? Seriously I'm sure this boat sailed off about a year or so ago but in the premature hope that it sank taking all its passengers with it, I'd like to dock a new rubber duckie.

Shiz this is my new Californication, which by the way got crap 4 episodes into the 1st Season.

P.A.M Fang Necklace

So it was time to get my own. And it's just as pretty as Mo's.

It may have cost an arm and a leg but that's what prosthetic limbs are for, right?

Just ask Heather Mills..

Heather Mills - BitchSlapped - The best home videos are here

Friday, 14 November 2008

Ooooo pretty.

Brookly based photographer Meg Watcher.

Monday, 10 November 2008


Apparently the old adage; don't leave your things with other fuckers, is true.

Yo I know this is a little late but it's still more valid than ever.

These were my kickers. They were amazing. We shared a good time, albeit a short time, but a good one non the less. They were the reason people stared. Then one day I left my precious beauties in someone's van. Purely because it was the only option. We shall call this person Mr X, because I feel Mr Fucker may offend some. Hopefully him, if he ever reads this obituary.

Cutting a long story short; he drove them back to Glasgow from London. He drove away without any indication or warning. He just left. After leaving it up to others, and after that plan failed miserably that other adage, if you want something done right do it yourself, sounded more true than ever.

So we moved onto facebook messages. Message after message after message. Until finally success. He was to send them to me. I left on a trip through the East (of Europe) and came back with high hopes. Luckily I'm not that tall so my hopes didn't have very far to fall.

After more insistent facebook messages, it was revealed that my dunks were no longer. No longer. Some friend had written this 'elusive' van off and in the process killed my beloveds.

So brace yourselves:

its not a money thing.. but i was driving round eastern Europe and the postal service was about as reliable as the people... i then went to house sit in mallorca leaving my car with my friends who then wrote it off... leaving a lot of my things and your shoes in the abandoned wreck... so im terribly sorry but you wont be getting your shoes.

Apparently we were both in eastern Europe.

Figures my shoes were only two steps ahead of me the whole time.

Unofficial Nike ID 1st Birthday

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

2008 U.S Presidential Election

So it ends tonight... and finally there were two.

The Republican nominee John McCain, the senior United States Senator from Arizona, and the Democratic Party nominee Barack Obama have sweat blood and tears to make it up this Presidential mountain. But to claw their way past Sarah, Hilary and Co. they have had a little help from their friends, foes and frenemies.

On Team Obama there is: Winfrey, Eva, DeNiro, The Fresh Prince, Usher, and on Team McCain; Italian stallion Sylvester and the Californian Governator Arnie.

We all know Winfrey has been endorsing her man in her many speeches, but have you seen Black Eyed Peas' singer's vids; 'Yes We Can', staring celeb fans including Scarlett J or 'We Are The Ones' with Ryan Phillipe and Jessica Alba?



there's meat-head Arnie egging on a mass of McCain supporters, with childish insults and unsubstantiated comments, where 'scrawny' Obama and his skinny frame are likened to that of the Senator's ideals.

Halloween masks

Strolling through his Hyde Park neighborhood, on 31/October, Barak O would have had quite a ball bumping into his plastic self. Quite a few Kaufman/Malkovich moments I'm sure.

The Obama mask out-sold his rival's, two to one.

Seriously, these publicists must be on over-drive. Working like dogs day in and day out, spinning up stories, campaigns, you name it.

But as they say,

Any publicity is GOOD publicity, just ask Paris Hilton (see One Night in Paris).

On the eve of the US Election day Obama's grandma passed away. Photos flooded the internet, of the grandson wiping away the streaming tears that symbolised his 'sincerity' and stripped him.. down to his jocks.. for all the world to see. No iron armor, just RAW emotion.

A publicist's wet dream indeed.

Thursday, 30 October 2008

This is what I love about London


THURSDAY 30/10/08


Free beverages provided


American Apparel Halloween Pre-party @ CARGO
Free Beverages (tbc)


Toy Pirate Exhibition at OLD SHOREDITCH STATION
Free Beverages Provided


American Apparel Halloween party @ CARGO


Toy Pirate Halloween After Party @ OLD SHOREDITCH STATION

You'd think nothing could top such a FREE lineup, but it can. They are all within walking distance of my bed. Awesome.

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

I am part of your lexicon + Vivecoolcity

Do you know what I despise? Those blogs that post nothing but other people's material.

Seriously, if you're gonna be responsible for a disruptive, rude, boisterous but impressionable blog then you gotta stand by your baby and take some responsibility.

Here are a couple o' rules to get your engine started:

1) SPELLING - For christ sake, it's the golden apple, the numero uno. If you're going to insit on gttin tit rong, put a disclaimer up the top stating your incapacity to spell or cheat and use spell checker.

2)COPYRIGHT - Or should I say copy and paste. Don't go all the Milli Vanilli on our German ass' and take ownership of something when the actual owner is all the way on the other-side of the land. T'is not worth it, cause most chimps who cross your blogosphere will most likely have crossed the sad sack's who you stole it from.

3)QUALITY - I'm all for the YOUTUBE nation, but when all you're churning out is vid after vid of 'Michael Jackson danglin' his spawn', or 'Britney Spears et al' what are you good for? No, really, what?

And on that note here is a vid from Australian site VIVECOOLCITY.

This is dedicated to all us self-confessing Groupie Slutzz:

**Disclaimer: All views and opinions are mine only and mine only. Ie. Who the f**k am I to be telling you what to do with your aimless life. If incorrect grammer and spelling get you off than by all means, you show that word who's boss and make it part of your lexicon.

Friday, 24 October 2008

Benicio Del Toro

Tonight I'm going to check out coyly smug-mug Benicio Del Toro at the BFI Southbank.

It's going to be rad, short for radical.

From row G his husky voice will be the only sound byte I hear and that's more than okay with moi. He'll be laying out the facts of (his) life/career and his most recent producing project Che (premieres this Saturday). Visions of pending ignorance have encouraged me to delve a little bit deeper into the guerilla life that was Argentinian revolutionist Che Guevara.
If only to bring me a little closer to Benicio himself.

Above: Del Toro doin a damn fine impression of Che.

L: Che & Castro

While you wait for me to post back, feast your beedy eyes balls on Alberto Korda's famous photograph of Che.

Titled, Guerrillero Heroico it was taken on March 5, 1960, but seen on nearly every t-shirt this side of Hong Kong. Google his name and you'll know what I mean.

Guevara was 31 when this picture was taken in Havana, Cuba at a memorial service for victims of the La Coubre explosion.

This image may as well be the symbol of pop-culture. Hell, the first place I saw it was on my younger brother's wall, and I still had no idea who it was. This is defintely one of those images that has made it through time, but the story that comes with it is no longer taught in class or in history books but through the film industry. 2004 saw the writer's book on his motorcycle travels through Latin America be turned into the movie, The Motorcycle Diaries. Go figure.

And this l'il doozy the one that really did breed like a rabbit was originally created by Jim Fitzpatrick in 1967.

Beautiful Losers Premiere & After Party

A doco/movie that says it's okay to be a freak/geek/outcast because in
the end they all turn into butterflies. Get it? This is a film for all those who were made to feel like they were nothing, just an insignificant caterpillar. But now director Aaron Rose says it's the caterpillar's turn to shine.
It's a feel good piece with skaters and graffiti artists to boot. Need a confidence boost? Check this mother out.

The After Party @ Cordy House followed the secret premiere of the movie, a day earlier than scheduled. It featured £5 door entry, unless you held a BFI ticket stub or like me you arrived 1 hour before finish and kicked up enough of a fuss to be let in for free.
There were light installations and DJs who weren't too shabby, especially Squeek E. Clean.

Thursday, 23 October 2008

BFI London Film Festival 2008

So the BFI London Film Festival ( started on the 15/10 showcasing a bevy of talented actors, screenwriters, directors and funnily enough, the films themselves. But of course it wasn't really as simple as logging on to the site on the 15/Oct, instead paying members received first pickings 5 days earlier. And although, there are multiple of screenings of most movies, this meant many of the films were booked out before the 15th even came around. However, these are just the words of a tight, rather unorganised individual who could have put in a lot more effort.

In any case, 30 mins before every screening new tickets are released and this my dear friend is salvation for those who share my enthusiasm but also lack the motivation to do anything about it, until it's ALMOST too late.

So there are many anticipated events and films on the bill this year, including;


British director Danny Boyle (pictured above), who is the man behind Sunshine and 28 Days Later, has this time taken a very different path. Jamal Malik, an 18-year-old orphan from the slums of Mumbai, played by Dev Patel (lanky, awkward dude from Skins, kinda looks like my brother..) leads the love story set in India. The Skinny of it is; Jamal Malik (Dev with Skins crew is the wide-eyed, doppy fella top left) is one question away from winning 20 million rupees on India's Who Wants to be a Millionaire when the police arrest him on on suspicion of cheating.

The story of his life unravels as the Slumdog attempts to prove his innocence, each episode is linked to each game-show question he was given.

This poignant tale plays on the closing night with all attending (and all who miss out) holding very VERY high expectations.
BFI 8:30pm
Speaks about his highly-lauded career and his experience acting and producing the film Che (Part 1 & Part 2).
The understated genius takes the stand and talks all things weird, warpde and wonderful. He's worked with Spike Jonze and Michel Gondry (Science of Sleep, Be Kind Rewind) and is the mastermind behing Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind & Being John Malcovich.

What are you looking at?

My photo
I am more than prone to monologues; however, this is solely due to the manner in which they compliment a witty anecdote and their ability to resemble concrete evidence when it is so obviously lacking. I often wish I could emulate that aloof character who coolly stands in the corner smiling mysteriously as if she has a secret. However, I fear resisting the temptation to involve myself in other people’s conflicts and responding through body language rather than verbose banter may come across as contrived and arrogant. And, I am not willing to take that chance.

Ye Faithful