Tuesday, 2 June 2009

What's Eating Gilbert Grape.

Here ye, here ye this be the congregation for grape pickers anonymous.

Hi my name is Jasmine and I was a grape-picker.. While supermarket shopping I was never one to skip the fruit section; however, as innocent as this claim may sound, there be malice hidden beneath these under-layers. Upon my arrival, I'd make a beeline straight for the bounty of grapes awaiting my greasy mitts and indulge in a little taste test. Each -shameful- time I'd quietly reassure myself, that said exercise was vital to ensure the ripeness of that particular fruit.

Now years later, I am strong enough to admit to myself that I had a penchant for grapes (particularly green ones) and was not afraid to help myself. Because I now understand that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

( However, in my naive days I did often wonder how people could go hungry when there was food readily available for the picking... )

I was also one of those people who could waste hours at a time scanning the the card isle in my local news agency. I'd pluck a card from the shelf, read the front, read the inside, have a little giggle and so-forth. When I found a real 'pearl' I make a concerted effort to remember the witty words, in order to relay it to anyone 'willing' to listen.

Unlike my grape-picking days (oh those halcyon days) I still love to indulge in a good greeting card, especially those that can share in my (sometimes) twisted yet harmless sense of humour.

Drum roll please.


First up is online card site Some eCards - for when you care enough to hit 'send'.

These relevant cards parody almost any situation and have the balls to say what Hallmark didn't.


Sick of Santa
and those damn reindeers?

Try Order of St. Nick. These guys understand that Christmas is a repetitive process which can be as monotonous as carving that turkey, year after year. So they've decided to go back to basics, when man was well.. a monkey.

Simple yet effective. Take that Santa!


And sometimes you wonder if you've crossed the line...

'Congratulations on the baby.

I'm so glad you decided to keep it'

What? It's the truth.

Click to take a gander.

1 comment:

  1. Ahaha, those cards are classically hilarious. Exactly what I needed to distract me from my mundane and humor-less Tuesday.


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I am more than prone to monologues; however, this is solely due to the manner in which they compliment a witty anecdote and their ability to resemble concrete evidence when it is so obviously lacking. I often wish I could emulate that aloof character who coolly stands in the corner smiling mysteriously as if she has a secret. However, I fear resisting the temptation to involve myself in other people’s conflicts and responding through body language rather than verbose banter may come across as contrived and arrogant. And, I am not willing to take that chance.

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